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Ronald’s got an interesting scam going here. First he’s piggybacking on the Honor of America poster offer to pitch his perpetual motion machine. What? You mean it really exists? Free endless energy for the entire world? Why haven’t I heard of this? Ronald explains on his website:

This kind of technology can completely eliminate the energy crisis in the world. It’s fairly simple and cheap to make. You’re probably wondering, if there is technology that creates free energy, why haven’t you heard about it? It is because the large energy corporations are actively suppressing this technology.

The Free Energy Blueprint introduces a rarely known method which has been deliberately suppressed over the years. Few years ago, after a nearly decade of research and experimenting, I created the first working prototype of the free energy generator. I showed a working version of my generator to several close associates. The next day, when I came back to my office, I noticed that my office has been raided. To my big shock, all my prototypes were taken along with some other technical documents regarding the generator. During the following days I received an anonymous phone call, telling me to stop all work on the generator, and never to attempt to redevelop it, and if I didn’t comply to what was instructed, I would face devastating consequences.

So there you have it. On his own he’s proven Einstein wrong and obliterated every truth we once knew about physics by creating a machine that produces endless energy for free and instead of say, selling it to the Government for a billion dollars and collecting a Nobel Prize in physics, he’s spreading his secret though email spam to random people. What a selfless human being! Of course, his offer begs the question:

If you really were threatened with devastation by the energy companies if you developed this invention, don’t you think that telling the word how to make the device would incur the same wraith?  Just sayin’.

A literal license to print money. Take a two dollar bill, print some butt ugly graphics on top that only an Elvis fan could appreciate and then flip them for $19.99 each. I have to admire the pure chutzpa of the whole concept.

I swear I didn’t make up that title. I assume this must be a desperate rebranding effort. There is no way anyone will think of “comfort”, let alone “legendary comfort” when they think of clogs ever. Never ever. Not going to happen. Nada. No chance. Zero possibility. Nope. No way Jose. Fugetaboutit!!!

Well, I guess some spam is OK. However their abuse of quotation marks is just unacceptable. Are they saying this jewelry isn’t fine and that it’s actually crap.

Subject: Gorgeous Collection

We Only Carry “Fine” Jewelry….

It’s a Beautiful Collection.

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I think the “saggy” boobs look better. The part about “realigning your nipple to a higher position” is a little disturbing though. I keep thinking of a puck on an air hockey table. I think they meant to say it pushes your breast higher so your nipple appears higher. I seriously doubt they meant that the nipple itself slides around the surface of the breast.

I ran a background check with my free trial, and yes, they are real and she’s single.

Here’s the deal. I go strawberry picking every weekend in the summer with my daughter. Not only that I also grow my own. Strawberries do not grow in a vine. They have a cluster, then send out a runner with a baby cluster on it that roots itself. Once the runner is established it will start to grow strawberries. It too will send out a runner eventually. So if the drawing was accurate it would show the top making berries then all these runners sending out roots trying to establish itself but completely berry-less. Plus, the Tri-Star variety doesn’t produce year around, it’s not possible for this variety. It also needs lots of direct sunlight so forget about growing it indoors. Fucking botanical liars.

Here’s the full text:

Hey, if the hideousness of these tacky engraved ornaments wasn’t enough, you get a crap velvet bag to put them in. Now if it only had rhinestones on it as well..

“Dude, I can’t believe we got this totally bitchin’ job checking peoples credit reports!”

“Yeah, like totally dude!”

Uh, do I have to keep the emo dude or can I throw him away?

It’s never too late to protect your turkey’s future. How will ensure your turkey’s financial security should you pass away?

I don’t think you should ever use the words “burn” and “colon” in the same sentence. I’m just sayin’.

I think they meant quantitative, but none the less I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed of it. In case you’re not sure how to purchase something online they’ve provided a nice set of  instructions. Very helpful of them!

Wow. That’s a ton of adjectives! I’m completely totally and exceptionally excited!

This astoundingly fantastic-new costless tooth
illumination-kit will speedily brighten your teeth
in a mere 7 hrs. Gain your tooth whitening-kit
w/toothbrush prior to there being none left.
http://ornhpe.kulufort.com/vmqbt/wfeqzy/zotwr/

Tanya Roberts time travels to the future and brings back this amazing light saber hair thingy. She later discovers, first hand, that it’s really a vibrator that human slaves use to pleasure their robot masters.

You can’t treat jellyfish scars with cellulite creams! What fools! The best part? Way down at the bottom it says “simulated images”. Huh? It’s a friggin’ before and after shot! If you’re going to fake it then might as well go crazy and show massive dimples, craters, boils, scabs, puss pockets and scales. What a bunch of cowards!

Does anyone else think this looks like a bunch of vaginas?

Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Not sure how a mass marketed item is also “not available in public circulation”

Change Has Come! Historic Presidential Victory Plate
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