So these scumbags send me this email message. And then they have the nerve to redirect me to a site explaining that this is not spam and that they will sue anyone who slanders them. Then they ask you to buy stuff for friends! Unfucking believable!

Below is a screenshot of their broken English bullshit threats. ( You can view a PDF version here)

But wait it get’s even better, not only are they threatening a lawsuit for calling them spammers they themselves are appropriating the trademarked name and colors from legitimate pharmacy CVS. Too fucking funny.

Yeah right, they are totally going to sue me. May they burn in hell for eternity and a day.

Subject : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mail Client ID: 02126-05515-05022-73744

http://ojnicework.com (redirects to jfklove.net)

This one’s interesting. How about writing you message out of little number eights so it gets past the spam filters? The first link takes you to a Russian Bride site filled with hot chicks, and the second link takes you to a Viagra store. At least they got the order right. Find girl, then get erection.

Wow, this ones slick. I have over a hundred domains with GoDaddy but even then the invoice was way too high since they are automatically renewed upon expiration. So I clicked on the link and wouldn’t you know it, after some weird redirect,  it takes me to the infamous Canadian Pharmacy. Might be a virus involved as well. Not sure. So how do you know it’s fake without clicking on the links? View the header or source code of the email. You’ll see it’s not really from Godaddy. In my case it was from jobberseyy3@regalcandy.com

Dear clay@claytowne.com,

Thank you for ordering from GoDaddy.com! This email contains important information regarding your recent purchase — please save it for reference.

This one’s pretty harmless. The attached HTML file just takes you to a Viagra site. Still, one has to wonder. The reason these spammers send these out is because it works. This means that some guys will click on the file thinking this is an official update from Microsoft. When they get redirected to a Viagra site and realize they’ve been tricked, they’ll go “hey, this company just tried to trick me but since I’m here I might as well drop a hundred bucks on erectile dysfunction medication.” You must be full retard to buy from someone that just made it clear they are criminals.

You have (8) messages from Microsoft Outlook.

Please re-configure your Microsoft Outlook again.

Download attached setup file and install.

Fuck yeah! Why stop drinking yourself to death? Now when you come home reeking of alcohol, cussing to yourself, and bumping into the furniture, you can still be sporting a raging hard on. Your wife will be so impressed!

Alcoholic? Dont despair – ViaGrow will have you fully energized and pumping that rod in a flash… http://cabegutog.cn

This one’s just weird. They go to all this trouble to pretend they are my internet service provider and explaining this new interest based web matching system only to try and get me to click through to their Viagra site. Their whole pitch is fake. How odd. Usually these emails are phishing schemes or attempts to get you install a virus.

Dear Valued Customer.

As your internet service provider we are always striving
to improve our service to you. We have a new habit-based
internet browsing feature enabled on your account. It's
free and works like this.

1) Based on a "theme" of websites you visit, our systems
automatically will send you the best value oriented product
or service you are looking for. We use Google for value and
then our system generates the web page link for you.

2) You will get random emails from us with links based on
what you viewed the most. It will be links that are the best
dollar value.

3) If you like the product/service we have found then we
have helped out and our new Habit-Browsing feature is a
success.

We hope you enjoy the new feature on your account.
Here is the first webpage based on your browsing
habit:

http://marriagesafety2.com

Best Regards,
Customer Service Account Team
Broadband ISP

This is a ‘best of’ collection from a series single line erectile dysfunction spam emails. The subject line was “Resolve to Bed More Chicks in 2010?”. Why they put a question mark is a mystery. I understand them all except “shoot the bar girl”. Did perhaps they meant “shoot your load in the bar girl”? The promise that “she’ll swallow if you take this” is especially dubious. I seriously doubt that a harder erection will suddenly change her preference on that subject. Just sayin’.

Satisfy your woman tonight with Dr Max Man
Who says young guys are stronger
Make sure she tells all her girlfriends about you
Major developments in the area of member elongation
Want to know how SUPERMAN feels
Increase penis size and sex drive with Dr Max Man
Size and girth are all women need
Shoot the bar girl
The pills most scientists recommend to get a larger pole
Gain 2 more inches in the place that matters
Male sexual enhancement pills for virility and increased sexual pleasure
Discover hotter, more pleasurable sex with Dr Max Man
Pump her hard and longer than ever before
She’ll swallow if you take this
Make sure you are always hard and ready
Lengthen your erection time, and delay your ejaculation time
Shoot deeper into her with your extra inches
Assured gains in dimensions within weeks
She wants you really hard tonight
Your lady deserves better, give it to her now
Realize your fantasy as a sex god
You will need to sound proof your room
Your lady will be dying to hop in bed
Waste no further time, get bigger get it now

I’m not kidding, this is the photo they used for this penis enlargement and erectile dysfunction spam. Are you turned on yet by the mixed gender group of teenagers watching your erection grow?

Hallo! We have some great news for you.

Our enlargement pills are available for you for FREE only this month! You are welcome to visit our site to read the details and to place an order for your FREE test Bottle. Feel the wonderful effect and the great changes that our pills bring to you. Your future success depends on our enlargement pills. You will easily feel the joy of making love and will bring the great satisfaction to any girl within only six month after you start taking our pills in. Moreover your friend will become a few inches longer and wider and your erection will become as strong as never before. You will impress any girl you want with your new large device. So don’t wait anymore and order the FREE Bottle right away at our site and get back to order the full treatment course. We are always glad to welcome you at our site and to give you the professional advise on curing your men’s problems.

Ha. ha. Even their lame attempts to pass through my spam filter didn’t help. Found this in my Junk folder. Thanks Thunderbird! But the real question is, if you got this email,  how stupid would have to be to still order from someone who’s flat out telling you in no uncertain terms that they are a scam?

Acce kls ssRx pro ex vides Men’s He yhf alth prod xz ucts to tr zc eat ere xg ctile dysf jvd unction (ED). Cho eef ose from all three FD txm A-appr ad oved ED pres efj crip aej tion medi su cations: Via ijp gra, Cia ppj lis and Lev evr itra. Only a small per lks cent xl age of men seek help for ED, alth td ough a lar ieb ge num pu ber of men expe sl rience it in var fgt ying deg yet rees. All three F of DA-app bp roved dru is gs are pro ryx ven to be eff th ective in most hea cl lthy men.

See Acces nme sRx’s prod rls uct information pages for deta qq ils about dos mwd ages, dire gt ctions, side eff mb ects, pre kf cautions, freq zne uently ask ffw ed ques dk tions, links to manu eop facturer web iff sites and patie qh nt/presc bm ribing infor prv mation.

You can also acc kgx ess a Via xm gra, Ci iw alis, Lev bw itra compa nk rison chart that sum bc marizes medi ljs cation info px rmation for the thr mbp ee ED d ta rugs in one cent im ral loc xy ation.

Via hmz gra

C iyf ia ju lis

Levi lh tra

Uh, this is totally not giving me an erection.

Have you ever wanted to have

a larger tool be able to satisfy

any woman you want

But you don’t want to make a difficult painful surgery and want to stay unrecognized? Then our enlargement pills will help you to do it in a very short term. You don’t need to attend clinics and buy expensive medications as our pills are very cheap and VERY effective. Thousands of people who have already tested our pills say that the result they achieved is even better than they expected. Watching the pictures they sent to us, you can make sure in it and see the great difference. Besides that, no surgery needed as you take our pills for a certain period of time. The treatment course usually lasts no more than six month, but this period is enough for you to increase the length of your device up to 6 inches and increase more than 20% of its length. Our special offer for you today is 2 100% FREE Bottles of our pills that you will get after you order the treatment course which includes 4 bottles of our pills.

Wow, this one’s prophetic. You do run the risk of being scammed. Like from them.

Subject: Buy medications in ,Canada+ and l,ower your medicat,ion
*expenses.

Ordering  online is known to be the best way to cut down medictaion
expenses and to avoid embarrassment and wasting time visiting doctors.
But you're running a risk of being scammed.
So choose «{MIX:CanadianPharmacy}» to purchase .
------------------------------------------------------------
All products can be shipped worldwide. Fast delivery.
Friendly customer support team. Guaranteed protection of your
private information. Great selection of !
------------------------------------------------------------
 The cheapest place to buy quality .
------------------------------------------------------------

Another “best of” selection from a series of  erectile dysfunction spam. I wonder, do the spammers find these as funny as I do? I mean, is it intentionally written in a fucked up “me no speak English” way or is it the actual result of foreigners trying their best to write ad copy. However, the one touting you to “Invest in your wang! Even the best lube won’t save her butt after you’ll take this booster!” is just downright mean.

Give your rod perfect condition
More than 100000 of men worldwide trust their carnal well-being to our

http://www.thesejoyful.com

Make your zipper swollen!
Get on a whole new level in love mastery! With our solutions your body won’t

http://www.cuddlypolite.com

Excite your pistol
Make your weenie resolute!

http://www.jijagfd.cn/

Super goodriller male potion
Promote your pecker!

http://www.ledacsr.cn/

Stubborn wang is easy!
No-limit porksword energy!

http://www.dipumxx.cn/

For non-stop night attacks
Please her non-stop

http://www.xetujsp.cn/

Invest in your wang!
Even the best lube won’t save her butt after you’ll take this booster!

http://www.galoreeat.com

Be good at humping!
Continue taking her until the night will be over!

http://www.cameawake.com

The most elegant and polite Viagra spam ever.

Is there an endless supply of virility euphemisms? My bet is the “drillosaur” would say no. Featuring the “best of” collection from a series of erectile dysfunction spam.

Subject: Join US Nazi division!

Don’t rely on luck in such important question as your “weenie’s” combativity! Give it the right help from our store online and it will please your girl (girls?) and let you feel self-confidence for years and years! Say NO! to his flaccidity, replace it with rock-like power!

Subject: Be our actor!

Two time more power in bed – two times less problems with girls!
Try this reputable supplement and feel the powerful motor of desire embedded into your body. You don’t need to pay much.

Subject: Let your volcano erupt!

Become her drillosaur!
Your manhood is not the enemy to you, just give it the right boost. Blue pilules with 30% discounts. Its analogs that act for about 48 hours (comparing to usual 4-5 hours). ULTRA Fast shipping. Reliable information on contra-indications and principles of pilules’ work presented on our site.

Subject: Can She Have Multiple Orgasms?

Need a solution for getting improved desire? Get it right now! Super supplement should be taken orally just 10(!) minutes before  you start performance!Amazing result every time you use it! Heavens satisfaction and hellish lust! Prices are significantly lower than average, so you can get super pleasure without big spending! You CAN buy a desire right now!

Subject: Yeah, you said it

Order now and drill her tonight!
Once your body gets such power stimulus as our products provide? You get stallion power and eagerness. All girls need it, all girls want it from you. Give it to her and be her King!

Subject: No speed limit anymore

Improving your love talents is no problem at all with our products!
Try now or you will regret later. Super boooost and super endurance for your pecker? No matter of his previous condition. Ask in our e-store.

Subject: Study authored by him

This stiffer will last long
This act won’t end with premature “finishing”. This girl will think you’re a God of Lovemaking and she will be damn right.
Super pellets with a Male Boost formula. No side effects. Thousands of men tried and became omnipotent in delicate sphere.

Subject:  Question for US

Your engine in pants can still give her bulging drive!
Make her panties wet in seconds. Make her screams mad of pleasure she gets. Where to get powers for the night? In our  store of male might.

Subject: This is liberation of your desire from the chains of stress!

You’ll have back your natural vigor, ardor and firmness of your “down there” thing. Did I mention that it all can cause no harm to you? Because it is natural! Because it was tested for years. Because it is for you.

These three are so brilliant  they deserve their own entry. “Best of” collection from a recent series of erectile dysfunction spam.

Prove your male gender to her!
Turn into love-god
Ancient sensual secret
Put rocket in your pocket

What will be your reaction on appearance of the most delicate male problem? What will you do with the “gun-staying” one?
Panic? Anger? Extremely expensive treatment? Negative! Only Male Pellets from our site. They cure instantly and they cost less than anything else in this sphere! Choose us and start your man’s life again.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

For having all-night fun
Tiger in underwear
Sharpen your love-blade
Power for all the girls

If you have a condition, known as problem in getting a pants pusher, or you just want to please your babe more, we have many solutions for you!

Natural and chemical formulas, fast-acting and long-acting. With our large selections of boosters you’ll find what’s best for you. Last week we’ve improved our prices! Today you pay 40% less. (more)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Become her drillosaur.
Bull power in lovemaking
Strengthening your Hercules
Recipe of hotter lust

Revolution in process on male boluses!

Now they are not only help you getting a super rod-on, they also don’t cost a fortune. Better prices plus you get free pilules! Now there is no financial border between you and your perfect amorous boosters, so you can take it and return the fever of love.

Not exactly an authentic Haiku but they did keep to the three line format. Featuring the best from a recent series of erectile dysfunction spam.

Unlimited sensual power
Be the artist of love!
Tiger in underwear

Male strength hoisters!
Let making out go on
Eliminate rod’s flaccidity

Wang up!
Be the king of F-k hill!
Male strength hoisters!

Last longer in making out
Bump her all the time!
Be her super-animal!

Hot Rod Extreme
Sharpen your love-blade
Set desire to maximum

Do your gf right
Prevent premature eruptions!
Reveal your full male power

Be the king of F-k hill!
Unlimited sensual power
Get First Class hardon

The math just doesn’t add up. He fucks his wife and his two mistresses several times per day. At a minimum let’s assume several is two times each, for a rock bottom number of 6 times per day. We must  also factor in driving time (as it would be quite unusual to have your wife and two mistresses living in the same house) as well as the physiological requirements of rest, sleep and food. It just sounds very implausable. Also I’m not sure why I’d want to fuck his wife and mistresses as well. Haven’t they been burdened enough. His prose poem at the end is not very good either because he’s obviously tired from fucking too much.

I have One wife and two mistresses… I can fuck them all several times per day!

YOU CAN TOO: CLICK HERE

Awestruck interrogation in his voice. They do since the change
may probably have put an end what i ought to have known.
i knew verity, but by the ruling government. I will call
him for whisper, it’s better than new caledonia. Pierre.

I must admit. I like this one. Clever play on current events and ends with a very reasonable sales pitch.

TODAY’S TOP STORIES Like usual doping increases sportsman’s results tenfold Our special amorous doping can make you a champion in bedroom. Only one difference: our “doping” isn’t harmful for you. Natural components and formula that proved its efficiency by thousands of thankful testimonials. Our e-store has Really fair prices! [[ Enter here ]]

To unsubscribe from this newsletter, click here.

Wow, Sun Microsystems, Gmail and Viagra. I guess that’s what they mean by “synergy”.

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That’s so cool of them to lift international regulations on the importing and exporting of pharmaceuticals  for the weekend. Must have some connections with the WTO Tribunals. Thanks Canadian Pharmacy!

U.S. History as written by an 8 year old.

Former President Bill Klinton uses Vi gp a du g jmk ra!

Everybody knows the great s ec ex ap ual scandal known as “Klinton-Levinsky”.
After the relations like this Klinton’s popularity raised a lot!
It’s a natural ph rk eno utp menon, because Bill as a real man in order not to
shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used V wk ia kbe gr vtf a.
What happened you see:)
His political figure became more courageous and more attractive.
Women all over the world made out in his person not only the president of the USA, but the man!!!
It’s very important for a man to be respected as a man.

See our site to enter upon the new phase of your life.

If an alien from another planet was trying to disguise himself as a “cool salesman dude” I suspect he would talk like this.

Subject: Only huge boners can reach g-spot

Do you sometimes envy  20 year old boys who can easily satisfy women
six or more times? You are good in bed too, but nothing can compare to youth.
Nothing? There is one way to compensate any age and make your women really exhausted.
Buy the easy solution now and get it much cheaper!

    http://diet.doctorintuition.com

What can I say. I like this one. It doesn’t render well in the original HTML so I did a screen capture. At a glance, a human would say it clearly says Viagra, Levitra, etc. But to a spam filter is actually says “Varies Intelligence thus Addressing” and so one. Quite clever.

This one is simply too amazing for words but I’m glad to know I can choose either Viagra,  or Cialis or Levitra…or something else.

I’m sooo bummed. I’m promised soft core action and instead they offer me Viagra! They’ve totally lost my trust. Even the offer to “nail broad for hours” cannot easy my suspicions.

Subject: Softcore Action