About My Spam Diary

Most popular questions I imagine my readers would probably ask.

Q:  I don’t understand your rating system (previously cans of Spam® but now plates of pink meat product). Are we rating how entertaining the spam is? How effective? How sophisticated? How spammy? And what about rating the comments? Is it based on quality?

A: I don’t know. I’m leaving that one open to interpretation. It’s a cool little plugin that I could modify easily. I originally swapped out the star graphics with cans of Spam®. Then on June 29th 2010, I received a copyright infringement notice from Hormel®, the maker of Spam®, so I needed an alternative. So I replaced the actual cans of spam with plates of non-Spam® pink meat product. Basically, I think the plugin adds a fun element to the blog, so I used it. And if you still think the plates of pink meat product are Spam®, then you are most definitely wrong. Like super duper totally wrong.

Q: Do you really get 1000 spams per day?

A: Not really, it’s closer to 550 or so. About 300 go straight to my junk folder automatically. About 150 are hand deleted. And my Spam Assassin filter on the server side catches about 100 or so. But 1000 sounds way better and after you hit a couple of hundred emails per day, it sure feels like a thousand.

Q: 550 spams per day! Is that from one address?

A: No, that’s from 8 email address that I check directly plus a half or dozen or so forwarded addresses. My oldest public email is also 10 years old. So everyone in the universe pretty much has it.

Q: How long did it take for you to started getting comment spam on your blog?

A: I got my first comment spam 24 hours after Google had indexed the first three pages. It was from a Russian spammer so I couldn’t read it. My Askiment plugin caught it. If you have a WP blog this should be the very first plugin you install.

Q. What’s with the banner ads. Kind of spammy don’t you think?

A. I wish I could say it’s for ironic effect, but the truth is I really do like these companies and use their products. I pay for my own hosting and Bluehost has been my provider of choice for years. So I figured, why not generate some income from the same recommendations I would give out anyway? If it doesn’t generate enough income to compensate for the tackiness then I’ll take them down.

Q: What’s your criteria for posting spam?

A: Most spam is little more than white noise. But some spam gets my attention. Spam that is particularly outrageous, crude, or sophisticated is a good candidate. I like spam that tells us something about ourselves. Like this line for a penis enlargement patch:

Ladies don’t usually care about man’s big heart or wallet as much as they care for a big penis. As money can be spent in no time but memories of great night would be left in their mind forever. So come on and enlarge your love machine!

Now of course, this is exactly the opposite of reality. However, a big heart requires a good personality and compassion, while a big wallet requires a good education and a high paying job. Both of these things take a lot of work and are heavily influenced by your genetics and the soci0-economic status of your parents.

On the other hand, if it’s true that a woman is really most impressed with a large cock, then easy access to desirable women is as close as an online order.

In short, this company is selling upward sexual mobility for a very affordable price. It’s almost an egalitarian proposition.

That this would be an effective pitch to sell penis enlargement patches tells us a lot about or baser instincts and desires as well as the almost reflexive nature of class consciousness.

Well, that’s my take on it anyway.