Yeah, I wish. Unfortunately spam is here to stay. We collectively spend billions of dollars in additional infrastructure just to support these criminals. Their spam clogs our bandwidth and pollutes our inbox.
But in this barrage of digital debris we get a glimpse of ourselves in our darkest and most depraved moments. We laugh at the audacious statements and tricks. Penis enlargement patches that promise and extra 3-4 inches (talk about stretch marks..and I mean for the man!). An unsolicited letter from the child of a deceased African leader who desperately needs YOUR help to transfer $25,000,000 out of a secret bank account. Viagra and Cialis from creepy online merchants that make Oakland crack dealers look respectable. A unexpected announcement that you are the winner of The Worldwide International Lottery…and you didn’t even have to play because the winners are chosen randomly from a pool of public emails! Imagine that!
Laugh all you want, but it works. The proof is in the billions of email spam sent daily. If you could reach one million people for free, how many suckers would you need to turn a profit? The answer is one. One in a million.
I used to get frustrated by all the junk, but now I just find it interesting. Spam is designed to catch us at our most desperate moments. It’s in these moments that the ridiculous sounds plausible, the suspect sound reasonable, and our better judgment is sacrificed at the alter of anxiety, doubt, and greed… and sometimes just plain stupidity.
Don’t be that one in a million.
This one rocks! Use a severely degraded JPG with a nonsensical phrase at the end to get past the spam filter. FAIL!
Comes with a cool zip attachment with a surprise virus inside! (FEDEXInvoice.zip)
Ooops. I suspect the spammer didn’t expect it to render like this.
Vistaprint Canadian Tax Invoice ({DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}) Tax Invoice (Vistaprint USA)
Order Date: {DATE}
Invoice Date: {DATE}
Invoice #: {DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}{DIG}
Order #: 30CCM-8A588-0C9
Vistaprint USA, B.V.
Tax Registration # 85826 3296 RT0001
Note: Vistaprint Tax invoices are provided per shipment. For a complete order view, please refer to your Order Confirmation email.
Attachment: Tax Invoice.html
I just love getting these. The scam is very simple – to try to buy very heavy merchandise using stolen credit cards. However, you have to arrange for the shipping with their preferred (fake) shipping company. You’ll be asked to pre-pay the shipping cost with Western Union and add that to the credit card bill. Then you ship the product, the credit card is denied and you’re out the product and the shipping costs. What makes these so amusing is that the scammers are so desperate and dumb that they will go along with anything you say. So they’re quite fun to fuck with. This one is from “Nick” who apparently confuses my name with the product.
From: Nick White (updatesdesk@gmail.com)
Subject: Urgent Response
Am Nick White and i will like to know if you do sell Clays ? If you do then, I will like to know some of the types and price range of those that you have at the moment. I As soon as you reply me with those information? I will get back you to with the quantity that will like to order so that we can proceed from there.
For the payment, i will like to know if you do take major credit card as method of payment?
Thank you and do not forget to include your Name and Phone number when getting back to me.
Nick.
Why yes I do.
We have three types in stock right now.
Brazilian Clay that’s best for earthen work and has a deeper red tone to it.
It’s $5.95 per pound
A Mongolian Clay that’s best for porcelain work due to it’s high porcini content (that’s where the name porcelain comes from)
It’s $8.95 per pound
Indonesian Clay that has a high plasticity due to naturally occurring enzymes and phyto-nutrients
It a bit expensive at $12.99 per pound.
Are you interested in any of these?
Yes we take all major credit cards and ship anywhere in the world.
Clay Butler
Owner of Caverns O’Clay
Thank you for the response, what will be the subtotal cost of 600 pounds of the Mongolian Clay
Nick.
Total cost is $5,370
Thank you for the response once again, Am sending them to ( Haiti ) So, I will like you to contact ( Saxasea Shipping Co. ) with the weight, sizes, quantity, pick up and the delivery location and ask them what will be the shipping charges to ship the clays to ( Port-Au-Prince, Haiti ). And get back to me with the subtotal cost of all the clays and the shipping charges so that, I will provide you with my major credit card information for you to run through all charges.
The shipping company email address is saxaseashipping@live.com
The shipping address is as follows:
The Church Of the Lord
1st Ave Rue Martelly Seïde
Port-Au-Prince, Haiti, HT6110
Thank you,
Nick.
Sorry Nick,
I talked it over with our insurance department and I’m going to have to pass on your order. We’re not shipping to Haiti right now. Our last batch of clay was stolen by looters and never made it to the buyer. When it was found a week later most of it had already been made into poorly made pinch pots and wobbly coil mugs. The insurance company said that since the clay had been modeled, glazed, and fired it was no longer the same product and therefor no longer covered by our policy! Apparently there is a black market for everything including ceramic supplies. Haiti is too unstable right now.
Thanks,
Clay Butler
Owner of Caverns O’Clay
Thank you for the response once again, I don’t have problem when it come’s to using this shipping co. They have been handle my shipment for the past years and they do handle my shipment very safety. so just go ahead and contact them and get me the shipping quote so that we can proceed with the payment. I can sing a document that will show if the goods departure from your location after the shipping co. have pick up the goods, it’s my own risk.
Nick
9 out of 10? Fuck you Norman! You can take you comments and your zip file and stick them up your animated GIF mother fucker!
From: Norman Dillard Hello, I have read and graded your project declaration. You received 9 out of 10 points on the paper. This means your paper has been approved and you can proceed as planned. Attached are my comments and/or suggestions for the paper. Please note, these are suggestions and it is up to you to decide if you want to use these or not. Please let me know if I can assist you as you begin to work on your project. Attachment: MSpeck.zip
“Rotation” is a sexual slang term among gay men to refer to a particularly harsh blow job that incorporates an “Indian rope burn” technique. MMC is a Roman themed bathhouse in the Castro and “feedback form” is slang for a sheet of Extacy. I tell you this because without that information this email doesn’t make much sense when you read it.
Thank you for such a great rotation. Here's the feedback form you asked for. I'll send you another email with BBQ dates so I can send it to Dr too. Until, the next time I have a rotation at MMC- take care. Attachment: Rotation Input Sheet.zip
